How to Use Victory vs. Setback Check in
What we say to others and to ourselves is critical. And it’s easy to not think too carefully about how we use language. Yet, our self talk helps define how we perceive reality. So after much reflection, we’ve made improvements in some of our fundamental language in the app.
In rTribe you can check in on whether you had a victory or setback.
First of all, the rTribe community asked for this improvement to our language, asking us to enable them to better track positive habits and we are listening! If that weren’t enough, below are more details on what we mean when we say victory vs. setback.
A victory vs. setback check in is part of having a ‘growth mindset.’ A growth mindset is one in which you fully embrace that life is about progress over perfection, where through reflection and learning stumbling blocks become stepping stones and where challenges are seen as opportunities.
I’ve often shied away from stark language like “victory” when thinking about my goals. Isn’t it all about progress over perfection? Aren’t there a lot of ups and downs when on the healing path?
Yes and yes. However, any progress is made up of small victories.
If you do not own the small victories, you fail to see the progress you are making and when people fail to see progress usually they quit.
When I have worked with clients and what I’ve found even in my own personal journey is a tendency to see my setbacks in stark terms, like “failure” and not treating my victories or progress in the same way. This needs to be reversed.
We need to view “failure” in grey terms and victories in black and white terms.
We need to fully claim our successes as victories, no matter how small they might be as they are the key to staying on the growth path. Small victories are fuel that tell you “change is possible” and allow you to have a vision for larger victories.
I love the word “setback” when it comes to someone overcoming any kind of struggle.
“Setback” is a temporary state and implies a two-part process. It allows one’s self talk to sound like this: “(1) I had a setback but (2) now I’m thinking about what I can learn from it and move forward.” Terms like failure or relapse can imply a continual negative state. Not very motivating, right? “Setback” is more of a temporary state. It means I have something to learn and that will allow me to move forward.
Now that you have the general idea, here are some different struggles and ways you can think about how to use Victory vs. Setback.
Whatever you are using rTribe to track, make sure to put your goals and how you are defining “victory” and “setback” in your profile so it is clear to you, your provider and your peers. Here are some examples for how you can think about using the new rTribe check in to keep you focused and in a growth mindset.
My struggle is with overeating. This month I am working on the habit of eating slowly, at least 15min for each meal. If I eat 2 out of 3 meals per day slowly I will count that as a victory.
My struggle is with marijuana. This month I am working on cutting my use from 5x/week to only on the weekends. If I use during the week that means it’s a setback.
My struggle is with depression. This month I am working on walking at least 20min/day as I know that if I can get myself to do that it will make me feel better. I am allowed to miss 2 days per week. If I hit a 3rd day in a week without walking I’ll call that a “setback.”
Partner of an Addict:
My struggle is that I am a partner of an addict. This month a victory for me would be not to check or try to manage my partner’s behavior but instead to be assertive with my boundaries. So, if I start to excessively check or manage I would consider that a setback.
My struggle is with insomnia and anxiety. I know that I need to start to reduce my caffeine intake in the afternoon. If I have more than 1 cup of coffee in the afternoon I will call that a setback.
My struggle is with loving my spouse well. This month I want to show one kind gesture to my spouse each day. If I miss a day that would be a setback.
My struggle is with self-defeating shame. A sign that I am giving into self-defeating shame is binging on netflix. If I watch a whole series in less than a week that’s a sign I’m escaping from life because of some negative self talk. That would be a setback.
Now it’s your turn.
We invite you to create a profile like this for yourself. Take some time to carefully reflect on this. Let others know your primary struggle, how you define a setback, and what you will be doing this month to work towards victory! Then change it as you learn and grow.
CEO & Co-Founder