Do They Want It Just As Bad as You?

Welcome to our series 3 Ingredients Every Recovery Friendship Needs.  If you haven’t already, take our quiz “How Healthy is Your Recovery Community?”


Ingredient #1: Equal Need and Equal Availability  

Sometimes people in recovery ask me if they can rely on their pastor, priest or their therapist as an accountability partner (AP).  I do think that having guides can really make a difference.  And, I recommend you share your progress with your guide using the email function in the R|TRIBE app.

However, most guides can’t commit to the day in, day out support you might need.  Or, they may be able to provide that for short periods but often the level of support can’t be sustained for the long haul.

You have to find someone who wants recovery just as bad as you. 

So, we recommend that you have at least one other person who has an equal need for accountability.

Since your friend is experiencing similar issues, it can help you both practice rigorous honesty.  Rigorous honesty is key to growth in recovery.  This may be difficult to do with an authority figure or guide.  But, a good recovery friend can encourage you to share your secrets with a guide and help you work through that process.

You may have found an AP with equal need but do they have equal availability?

Uneven availability between AP’s can sabotage effective accountability.

It can already be difficult to reach out to someone.  And, if you are constantly missing one another that can lead to frustration and eventually disconnection.

To keep this from happening, it’s important for AP’s to talk about their expectations of communication modes (R|TRIBE messages, email, calls, etc) and frequency.

It’s also important to decide how available you want to be for recovery communication.  And, find someone whose availability matches.  For example, if you want to message someone 3x/day then you will want to find someone who will have that same availability.

At some point your preference or needs may change and it’s important to update your AP on those changes, this way you’re always getting the amount and type of help you need.


Check out “Finding R|TRIBE Friends” if you want tips on how to find friends for the recovery journey.  


Next Ingredient: Carefrontations