A Lie Led to Freedom (Chris. D)
Tell us a little about yourself?
I am married and have been for six years in October. My main issue during my marriage has been pornography / sex addiction.
Tell us about your struggle with acting out and what led you to seek transformation?
My main struggle has been watching porn, which escalated into acting out. From an early age, porn and women were just like dope, but the feel good moments out weighed the risky behavior associated with them. When I got married the consequences shined a light on my addiction. I got caught in two major situations which my family, friends and church know about now. I was either going to change or lose everything.
What were some of your low moments along the way?
My low moments were siphoning off money here and there to go to massage parlors. $20 here and there stashed away went unnoticed. Also having sex in our personal cars was not cool. Lying always tops the list as well.
What are some of the things that have helped you the most on your healing journey?
So my journey began in April. I was outed by someone who said I was sleeping with their friend (this time I wasn’t cheating). To this day I know the details, but don’t know who this person was or is. But this situation caused me to admit an affair I had the summer before. My wife told me to leave.
I looked into a sexual addiction retreat in Minnesota by Mark Laazer. $1200 was well spent! I learned so much about the addiction but more than anything learned to share with others my struggle without being condemned. The statement “If you knew me, you wouldn’t love me!” keeps every addict in hiding and shame.
Once I spoke out, I felt more freer ever. I joined a men’s group at home and began private counseling. I attacked the root of my issues. Journaling has been major. More than anything it was listing/learning my triggers while in Minnesota. I understand now when I am being triggered or acting in my ritual.
Where do you hope you will be in a year if your recovery continues to stay solid?
I hope and pray to stay sober from pornography. Being on the internet has shown me glimpses of nudity, but after 98 days it doesn’t have much effect on me. No real pleasure is had from it like before.
NEW BRAIN! My prayer now is to stop objectifying women.
What words can you offer those who are reading your story and feel stuck?
Understand there is another side. It’s so difficult to get some days and weeks behind you. But do WHATEVER you have to do to save yourself. No one else will understand how hard you have it. First off you need to be honest and get it off your chest and stay honest. When you get quiet about your struggles, is when the sex addiction bully destroys you. Stay free!
Chris, Thank You for sharing. We appreciate the openness and thought you put into writing this down for others to learn from. It’s exciting to hear the level of commitment you have to being honest about your sobriety. Only honesty can lead you to freedom.
Alex, Josh & the rTribe Community
P.S. Want to share Your Freedom Story? We’d like to publish a new Freedom Story every week and if you have something you want to say to the entire Tribe, let us know.