Friend 1: “I messed up the other day, ummm actually yeah it was today…”
Friend 2: “Yeah me too…I’m not feeling great about it”
Friend 3: “Yeah, so…it was a bad week for me too. See you next week?”
If you have ever been in this sort of group, for a porn or sex addiction, you know that it can seem like “what’s the point?” Especially if it’s the same routine every week.
Over time, members of such groups get discouraged and in the end can withdraw feeling defeated. They tell themselves “well, I tried the whole accountability/recovery thing, but it didn’t really work.”
Most accountability groups or recovery friendships become unhealthy because they lack the right ingredients.
What ingredients are your friendships missing? Take this quiz to find out:
- Do your friends share the same complaint each week but have no plan for what they will try differently?
- If someone says they will do something but then doesn’t follow through is that ignored by you or the group they are in?
- Are your recovery friends vague about their acting out behaviors?
- Do your recovery friends give you lots of advice and suggestions?
- Is it unclear what your recovery friends want/need in terms of support through the week?
So, how healthy are your recovery friendships?
A “YES” to any of these questions is a red flag.
No one wants an unhealthy and ineffective recovery group or friendship. To form and sustain a healthy group it takes several key ingredients:
- Equal Need and Equal Availability
- Asking Good Questions
Equal Need and Equal Availability is about finding the right person(s) for you when it comes to an accountability partner or recovery friend. This article will teach you how to communicate your needs and expectations to your recovery friends.
Carefrontation is a way to compassionately confront a friend when they are faltering in their recovery. This can be a tough ingredient to incorporate into your recovery friendships/groups but it could make all the difference in the world. Want to see how?